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EGGS WHORENTINE
Who said breakfast can’t be quick, cheap and gourmet? These purveyors of untruths are likely terrorists or, at the very least, buzz kills. Ignore these fools for they know not what they say. Prepare...
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DATEY CHICKEN CHA CHA
Don’t be shy. Do the cha cha across the kitchen, through the dining room, and on into the bedroom. Nice moves, slick! I had no idea two left feet just meant a whole lot of cha cha-ing around and...
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SAUSAGE PARTY SINWICH
Make room! Make room! A massive sausage is coming straight for your open mouth. There’s not a whole lot you can do but smile like a donut. But don’t fear it. Taste it. Enjoy it. Love it. There’s...
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APHRODISIAC BOOTY BOMB SCRAMBLE
KA-BOOM! Don’t worry your pretty little head. It’s not North Korea or Russia dropping bombs. This bomb is going off in your mouth and then in your pants. The APHRODISIAC quantities have been...
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TOFU TACO TANGO
The tango is an Argentinean dance unparalleled in its complexity. Yet it is oh so much more than an awesome way to sweep someone off their feet in Buenos Aires. The seductive essence of tango runs...
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PIMPIN’ PUMPKIN SOUP
Halloween is upon us. Truth be told, I’d take Halloween over Christmas, Thanksgiving and Kwanzaa combined. Something about turning yourself into someone or something else just whets my appetite for...
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BANGSGIVING: RANDY CANDIED CARROTS
Carrots are often overlooked as an unsexy, utilitarian vegetable. You might think the coolest thing to do with it is make a nose for Frosty the Snowman. Bully to that I say. Those suckers have never...
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BANGSGIVING: CREAM IN YOUR PANTS SPINACH
I suggest bringing a change of underwear for this one. Decadent doesn’t begin to describe this supernova of creaminess found in this holiday side dish. Don’t feel too embarrassed by your “accident”...
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WINTER VEGGIE STIR-FRY ORGY
Winter vegetables are way kinkier than anyone credits them for. It’s sort of like the meek librarian who sluts it up in Vegas or the mild-mannered accountant that spends his lunch hour at a dominatrix...
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CHICKEN LETTUCE D-CUPS
This dish is stacked! I mean the cups are full and voluptuous. Ain’t no flat-chested FINGER FOOD here. No need for implants to help these fill out. The chicken breasts are supple and pouting, not to...
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